The Gabriel Center Blog
Servant-Leadership and Coaching
I remember almost every single coach I have competed for starting with tee ball when I was five all the way through my current triathlon coach. These coaches do not stick in my mind because we were the best team (they invented the 5 run mercy rule for my little league team) or had the best record (except maybe the longest losing steak); rather, they remain in my mind and were (and are) great because they epitomized the paradoxical nature of coaching being not only leaders of their teams but also servants to their teams.
The leadership part of a great coach is obvious. Coaches are expected to provide guidance to their athletes and lead them to "glory"-be it a championship ring, a winning season, or a small personal achievement like losing weight or getting in shape. This type of leadership, though, is only half the job. They also have to lead their athletes off the field. In high school and college, when I had a problem -- be it academic, social, or familial -- I went to my coaches. Their office door was always open and even if they were extremely busy, they seemed to make time to listen. They did not always have an answer nor could they always fix the problem, but they could provide an open ear and understanding. They would turn off their cell phone, shut their laptop, and then sit with an open heart, a compassionate tongue, and patient mind while I unloaded my troubles. They rarely came up with the magical solution or tell me exactly what I wanted to hear (more often then not they would give me the right advice even if it was not what I wanted to hear), but by providing this outlet, they coached and led me through the rough spots and rejoiced with me in the good, a leadership quality that good coaches carry over into their athletic profession.
Similar to how they are present when their athletes struggle in life, coaches are also present when their athletes struggle on the field. In a hard interval set, race, or loss, the coach is there with his or her team as the team struggles and leads the team through it. They empathize with how tough the situation is but also gets the team through the exertion because the coach has been there as well. Instead of standing apart from the team, they are there with the team, relating and suffering with them and thus their gaining the respect. A team who feels that their coach can relate to them and their struggles will respect their coach as a leader and follow him or her because they know that the he or she is physically and emotionally invested in them through good times (or scores) and bad.
I remember almost every single coach I have competed for starting with tee ball when I was five all the way through my current triathlon coach. These coaches do not stick in my mind because we were the best team (they invented the 5 run mercy rule for my little league team) or had the best record (except maybe the longest losing steak); rather, they remain in my mind and were (and are) great because they epitomized the paradoxical nature of coaching being not only leaders of their teams but also servants to their teams.
The leadership part of a great coach is obvious. Coaches are expected to provide guidance to their athletes and lead them to "glory"-be it a championship ring, a winning season, or a small personal achievement like losing weight or getting in shape. This type of leadership, though, is only half the job. They also have to lead their athletes off the field. In high school and college, when I had a problem -- be it academic, social, or familial -- I went to my coaches. Their office door was always open and even if they were extremely busy, they seemed to make time to listen. They did not always have an answer nor could they always fix the problem, but they could provide an open ear and understanding. They would turn off their cell phone, shut their laptop, and then sit with an open heart, a compassionate tongue, and patient mind while I unloaded my troubles. They rarely came up with the magical solution or tell me exactly what I wanted to hear (more often then not they would give me the right advice even if it was not what I wanted to hear), but by providing this outlet, they coached and led me through the rough spots and rejoiced with me in the good, a leadership quality that good coaches carry over into their athletic profession.
Similar to how they are present when their athletes struggle in life, coaches are also present when their athletes struggle on the field. In a hard interval set, race, or loss, the coach is there with his or her team as the team struggles and leads the team through it. They empathize with how tough the situation is but also gets the team through the exertion because the coach has been there as well. Instead of standing apart from the team, they are there with the team, relating and suffering with them and thus their gaining the respect. A team who feels that their coach can relate to them and their struggles will respect their coach as a leader and follow him or her because they know that the he or she is physically and emotionally invested in them through good times (or scores) and bad.
Some coaches quit when the season looks grim and move to another team which may have a better record or players.
Good coaches, though, see their team as the proverbial hand that they are dealt and then works with them through both wins and losses. They are therefore, in a way, selfless. They are able to shelve their own pride and aspirations for personal accomplishment so that the team itself rises as a unit. Therefore, they push their teams hard but not so that they themselves could win glory but so that the team, as a collective unit, could. It might be tempting for a coach to push an athlete to the absolute breaking point in order to achieve glory -- not the glory of the team but their own personal glory -- at the risk of injuring and alienating the team. It might be even more tempting for coaches to cut or not play the "Rudy"s of the team in order to avoid a loss or look bad in front of other coaches and teams. Great coaches though resist all these lures, sacrifice their own pride, and put the team as a whole in front of themselves. They recognize that no win is as important as an athlete's health and happiness and that if an athlete is willing to put in the time and effort, then he or she is part of the team and deserves just as much attention as the star. In doing so, they become servants to their team.
While Coaches Battaglia and Owen (my little league coaches), Leiderman (my crazy Russian wrestling coach), Delinsky (high school cross country), or Norman (middle school lacrosse) may not be elected to the Coaches Hall of Fame anytime soon, in my mind, they are up there already, right next to Joe Paterno, Vince Lomarbdi, Phil Jackson and even Mr. Miyagi because they were both leaders, leading their team as part of the team, and servants, serving the group as a whole with a selfless passion and commitment. Their screams, tears, curses, and sweat may have faded but because of their servant-leadership their impact on me and others plays on, which outlasts any trophy, record, or ring. As a cross country and triathlon coach now, I hope to bring the same loving commitment to my own team and athletes, motivating them to reach and surpass their own limits, and if they do not, then I still will take them out for ice cream after.
Chris Hague, an '07 graduate of the University of the South and 4-year varsity runner, is currently assistant coach to his former team; he remains an active runner and triathlete.
Servant-Leadership on the College Campus
This season has been a busy time for servant-leadership on college campuses across the country. In late February, the Gabriel Center facilitated an overnight retreat for LaGrange College's Servant Fellows. I also had the pleasure of talking with the University of the South's Women's Volleyball Team in Sewanee, Tennessee, where servant-leadership is at the core of the team's ethos. While at Sewanee, I also spoke with a former student of mine, Chris Hague, who serves as assistant Cross Country coach. And just last week, Katie and I attended the Pacific Northwest Conference on Servant-Leadership at Marylhurst University in Oregon. One workshop I attended discussed the connection between compassion and servant-leadership; the other was about a cross-cultural program on a reservation in Washington State which brought Native American and Japanese students together for life-changing experiences. LaGrange, Sewanee, and Marylhurst -- all three of these institutions embody the spirit of servant-leadership and it was a pleasure to be part of those discussions at each place. In other news, we were also thrilled to have a such a wonderful turnout for our workshop entitled "Leading with Skill and Spirit" at the annual Episcopal Diocese of Atlanta's Ministry Fair in mid-March. Thanks to all who attended!
LaGrange College's Servant-Leadership Retreat
This month, we are excited to have the opportunity to facilitate LaGrange College's servant-leadership group's annual retreat on February 24th-25th at Callaway Gardens in Georgia. The group, convened by The Rev. Dr. Quincy Brown, Vice-President for Spiritual Life at LaGrange, will focus on the power of reflection, defining servant-leadership, and honing personal awareness. College students around the country are thinking about servant-leadership. Below is a video filmed on the campus of the University of Southern Mississippi that prompts us to think about servant-leadership and the next generation of leaders. http://youtu.be/Z36wzpBErKQ?t=2m26s
Brenau University Servant-Leader Scholars Quarterly Meeting
We're honored by and grateful for the generous donations we've received to support Brenau University's Servant-Leader Scholars Program. We can still use your assistance as we plan for the next semester. Please keep Brenau and the Gabriel Center in mind as you consider end-of-year donations. Give online or mail your gift to the Gabriel Center, 123 Church Street, NE, Suite 150, Marietta, GA, 30060. Any surplus funding received will be used to support the Gabriel Center and its mission. Thank you again. On Monday, November 28th, the Brenau University Servant-Leader Scholars held a quarterly meeting on the campus of Brenau. Part social gathering, part planning session, the gathering of twelve women provided an opportunity for collaborative decision making. They divided into two small groups and, given materials and time, created a way to protect an egg from breaking when dropped from a height of six feet. Both groups were successful in working together, communicating, and demonstrating both individual leadership skills and group processing ability. These sessions will serve as the women's own servant-leader training so they will be equipped to teach those skills to the elementary aged school children whom they will be mentoring in the spring semester. Thanks to all for a wonderful evening!
A Servant-Leader Weekend: Brenau University's Servant-Leader Scholars Retreat
Twelve women, all members of Brenau University's Servant-Leader Scholars Program in Gainesville, Georgia, participated in their organization's annual Fall Retreat this past weekend, October 7-9. Facilitated by Gabriel Center staff, the retreat focused on servant-leader skill development, the connections between commitment and servant-leadership, and communication and feedback skills. Here are a few testimonials from the weekend.
"This weekend has brought many excellent aspects of leadership skills that are necessary to know or at least recognize to be a good servant-leader. By understanding what a servant-leader is, it has opened my eyes to wonderful and productive techniques that I can carry throughout my college years and life. Things as simple as feedback were discussed in depth and the ways to bring about constructive criticism are astonishing. I’ve learned so much and know that I’ve grown as a leader and more importantly, I’ve grown myself. I’m extremely lucky to have been able to attend and know what an amazing opportunity I’ve been given." --Brittany A.
"On this retreat I have gained many valuable skills that will help in becoming a better servant-leader. Specifically having effective listening skills will encourage my peers to come to me if they ever need to discuss anything." -- Amanda B.
"This week I have learned that I need to voice my opinion. I feel blessed with a compassionate, servant’s heart and I need to serve anyone I can." --Ashley V.
"This weekend has taught me how to listen to others and effectively execute a task in a timely manner. I’ve learned how to put the technology away and focus. Sometimes taking everyone’s different thoughts and experiences and using them enriches any situation." --Allison G.
"This weekend has allowed me to learn things about servant-leadership that I’d never even considered. How to give effective feedback, how to listen actively, how to appropriately delegate responsibilities: all of these things are necessary to be good servant-leaders. Participating in this retreat has forced me to take a step back and inspect my leadership qualities, and determine which ones need improvement." --Elizabeth S.
Honoring September 11
Ten years ago I was a sixth-grade teacher at a school in suburban Maryland, just a few miles from Washington, D.C. It was only the second week of school during my second year of teaching. That year I taught twin eleven-year-old boys whom I barely knew. In the morning after the towers had fallen and the Pentagon had been hit by a plane, we knew that the twins' father, whom I had never met, was supposed to fly out of Dulles that day for a business trip, but we didn't have any news of his whereabouts for several hours. Then, later that afternoon, the principal came to my door to get one of the boys from my classroom. I felt my face go white. I knew without being told the worst had happened. I kept teaching. When class was finally over, I learned that the boys' father had in fact been on American Airlines Flight 77 that hit the Pentagon.
Later that same year, while we were studying a young reader's version of Homer's Odyssey, something happened in class that I've never forgotten. In the story, Odysseus was fighting obstacle after obstacle on his way home to Ithaca and his wife Penelope, who had spent most of her husband's absence fighting off suitors. Instead of responding to the suitors' advances, Penelope wove her tapestry while she waited faithfully for husband to arrive home. One of the twins quietly asked, supposedly of Penelope, "Will she remarry?" I sensed that the real question he was asking was if his own mother would remarry. I simply said, "We'll have to see."
Ten years later I return to that crystal-blue September morning. Quiet now is the chaos of that day, and what resonates is that simple question, posed by a young boy, of what will happen next. Much has been written and said and done in the intervening years following the attacks, but to me the most powerful memory is that small moment.
This Sunday, we honor the tenth anniversary of September 11. How each of us remembers that day is an individual choice. As one friend suggested on a Facebook posting, "what if we honored the dead by doing things that affirm life and liberty, as each of us sees fit?"
Mark Elberfeld
Communications Coordinator
Circle of Stones Model of Leadership
With every new staff member or intern who joins the Gabriel Center community, we have a chance to take stock in how we are doing as an organization. Yesterday a new intern began her role and we spent the morning orienting Stephanie to the concepts, philosophy, and practice of servant-leadership in our office life. We reflected upon the model of the Circle of Stones, which symbolizes our working in concert with each other in a "flattened hierarchy." The following letter, adapted from our employee handbook, explains the significance of the Circle of Stones. I wanted to share the letter with you in hopes that you find it helpful in your own life.
At the Gabriel Center, we follow a different model from the hierarchical models inherent in the organizational structure, processes and policies of so many groups and institutions. We hold the vision for the Gabriel Center that we will instead follow the model of the Circle of Stones. We envision the board working together as a Circle of Stones, the staff working as a Circle of Stones and the two groups working together as overlapping Circles of Stones.
The Circle of Stones has its roots in the journey to discover the archetypal feminine aspect of our nature, in Zen Buddhism and in various ancient physical stone circles such as Stonehenge and others in Scandinavia and elsewhere. The Circle of Stones model may hold different meanings for different peoples, but in our common work, it has to do with thinking of ourselves as sitting in a circle, nobody over the others, but all in this work together. It has to do with talking directly with the person or persons with whom we are working, even through difficult or challenging issues. It has to do with having the people involved in a particular issue be part of the discussion. It has to do with sticking together in a conversation until we get to where we need to be. It has to do with the firm belief in the common wisdom that will emerge from a group when the group stays with each other through difficult conversations and finds ways to resolve conflict constructively.
The Circle of Stones symbolizes shared leadership, collaboration, cooperation, teamwork, direct communication, mutual accountability and responsibility for one's own actions and behaviors.
Katherine Elberfeld
Founder
Servant-Leadership in my daily life
“What is servant-leadership?” and “Where do I use it?” are questions I often hear when I introduce The Gabriel Center and servant-leadership to others. While I totally value the use of servant-leadership in the business world, I think many people miss the importance of using these skills in their personal lives. One of my favorite things is to see how servant-leadership is used in our everyday lives, especially with our families. While I try to practice these skills with my husband and children, I am not always the best listener or the best at giving feedback in a healthy, thoughtful manner. Sometimes, others give me the example I need.
Here is one example of my own experience with servant-leadership. My family recently took a trip to the lake—one of our favorite ways to spend our free time. The way boating works for us is- you take the boat and drop it off at the ramp and then one person drives the vehicle down the road to the house and someone else needs to drive the boat around the lake to the dock. Normally, I drive the truck with my daughter and my husband drives the boat with my son. Well, when we took this last trip, once the boat was unloaded, my husband hops in the truck and starts to pull off while leaving my son in the boat. I immediately say, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” He then informs me that Andrew is driving the boat around to the dock—like a half-mile around the lake! I wonder what in the world my husband is thinking and think that Andrew is too young to drive a boat by himself. My husband tells me that Andrew is actually great at driving a boat and is perfectly capable of driving this far on his own. Of course, we then continued to discuss this on the way back to the house. And as my husband told me, Andrew drove the boat perfectly and docked it just fine all by himself.
Upon later reflection, I see that my husband was being a great servant-leader by allowing his son to grow and mature into this new role. I, on the other hand, was acting out of my own fear of letting Andrew grow up. Instead of thinking of what my son’s capabilities really are, I acted on my trepidation for all that could go wrong. One of our roles as a leader is to allow others to grow and develop into all they can be and give them the space to thrive. Servant-leadership can be seen everywhere, even in small ways--like allowing your son to drive the boat.
Contributed by,
Janet Graham
Business Administrator
The Gabriel Center
Comments
JANET'S EXAMPLE OF SERVANT-LEADERSHIP
I particlularly enjoyed your example since it was an everyday experience which all of us parents have experienced. I could particularly relate to it since it brought me back to Wolfeboro, NH where we have the same boating arrangement! Thanks for sharing.....Dave Jennings
Amanda Harris Joins the Gabriel Center Team!
Hi everyone! I’m so excited to be here at the Gabriel Center as the new fundraising and social media administrator. I hold a bachelor’s degree in political science and am currently completing my master’s in public administration, both from the University of West Georgia. I began working at the Gabriel Center at the end of last year. The more time I spend working here, the more passionate I become about spreading the concept of servant-leadership. Working in this unique environment has been an experience unlike any other business where I have worked; because of my coworkers’ method of leadership, I work in a setting where I always feel heard and encouraged. Can you imagine a world where leaders guide with consideration, understanding, and compassion instead of simply handing down directives, and they actually listen to your needs?
Servant-leadership skills permeate every relationship we have. When we learn to listen with our whole selves and not just our ears, we become better friends, employees, and family members. We’re excited to teach these life skills to all groups and ages. Servant-leadership skills can increase workplace or organizational morale in these hard times. In my experience with hierarchical businesses, I was rarely involved in any decision-making processes and when I did give my feedback, it didn’t seem to matter. At the Gabriel Center, I’m very involved in the planning and implementation of projects and my thoughts are always appreciated and taken into consideration.
If servant-leadership is something you would like to embrace in your work, family, friendships, and organizations, I can help find funding to support your training! We at the Gabriel Center are interested in partnering with nonprofits, universities, churches, schools, businesses, and other community outreach groups/programs to teach the principles of servant-leadership. I would love to see servant-leaders emerge out of all communities where currently few have the opportunity to grow. If you’re involved with a group or organization that would like to receive our training, let us know and I can research funding opportunities for them. You can e-mail your ideas and questions to me at amanda.harris@gabrielcenter.org or contact me by phone at 678-213-2750.
Corporate Behavior and Shareholders
Read any American corporation’s annual report and you’ll see pictures of employees looking euphoric and a statement that the corporation really values its people (human capital, staff, team, etc.) and considers them to be its greatest asset. Read the newspaper or peruse the internet and you’ll see where these same corporations are losing money and having to downsize and “rightsize” by eliminating their most valuable assest – people.
Any business student is taught that a corporation’s purpose is to maximize shareholders’ wealth. Because this is the company’s focus, decisions are made to increase shareholders’ wealth by any means necessary – or at least by any means that the company can get away with. Typically the quickest way to increase wealth is to cut salaries and people.
The ability to earn income is more than a tool to meet the basic needs of food, shelter and clothing. That ability is also a means for many to have a sense of contributing, a purpose, a focus, a reason to be. When that is taken away and not easily replaced, the effects on the person and those in his or her sphere of influence and the broader community can be devastating.
Having spoken with investors and shareholders, I’ve learned that many do research on the companies in which they invest long before making a decision to invest. Animal lovers make sure no animal testing is done or that any animals associated with the product or service are treated in a humane way. Those conscientious about the environment research to determine whether the company is “green” and/or has a history of being friendly to the environment. People of great religious beliefs ensure the companies they support do not focus on things that cause others to behave in a manner contrary to the values the prospective shareholders consider important.
It appears that one thing we don’t do is to find out more what practices companies follow with regard to their most valuable asset, employees, in order to keep their stock value up. For instance, do the companies require the employees work long hours on a regular basis, thereby causing them to neglect their families? Does it mismanage spending or saving in one area and end up having to get rid of people when hard times come? Are we as shareholders just as responsible for the behavior of corporations with regard to its people? What amount of wealth (shareholder profit) is too much when other people’s lives are so severely affected?
Nobody wants to invest to lose money, but have we too, become too greedy that we encourage the act of people being displaced from their livelihood?
by Paula Magee, Human Resources Consultant. Paula has an MBA and experience working for major corporations in the US.
Comments
Coorporate Behaviour & Shareholders
Totally agree with this assesment. I believe that there is little regard for the reduction of manpower as method of reduced spending to improve shareholder profits. While I can see the need to reduce a workforce due to lack of product demand in most cases it may be due to lack of innovation and retraining. It is the easy way out in a look of instances. You cannot cut for way to profitability, particularly when you are hurting those that generate those profits, either on or off the job.bob.little@insightbb.com
Comments
Not just conversation, dialogue...
I can't help but think about the current conversations that are taking place in Washington about our nation's budget, the debt ceiling, and taxation versus spending when I read the final words of Katie's post: "It has to do with talking directly with the person or persons with whom we are working, even through difficult or challenging issues. It has to do with having the people involved in a particular issue be part of the discussion. It has to do with sticking together in a conversation until we get to where we need to be. It has to do with the firm belief in the common wisdom that will emerge from a group when the group stays with each other through difficult conversations and finds ways to resolve conflict constructively. The Circle of Stones symbolizes shared leadership, collaboration, cooperation, teamwork, direct communication, mutual accountability and responsibility for one's own actions and behaviors." If only these conversations could really take place as dialogues where the above servant-leader principles were being followed by ALL, in good faith.